Setting Boundaries...A Healthy Choice

My road to self-discovery has been a wild ride. I've learned so many things, and many of them I am still working on. You see, self-discovery, self-care, self-love, all take time, dedication, and a LOT of practice. It's not a "learn it once and you're done" kind of lesson. It's more like a learn it, try it, slip, and keep working at it sort of process. It's worth every step. Sometimes, it is easy, and sometimes, it's hard. Sometimes, you want to give up and question why you even started this journey to begin with, but you keep working, and trying, and eventually, you begin to thrive. If you begin to slip, that's okay. It's all part of the process. It's a learning experience, and with diligence, you really do come out on top, and life really does get easier. One thing that you MUST have in place in order for this process to work, is boundaries.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are invisible lines put in place (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to keep you safe, respected, valued, and at peace. These boundaries should be set in all areas in your life, as they show people how you expect to be treated and what kind of treatment you are willing to accept from others. Basically, it's showing people how to treat you. Without them, people may treat you harshly, take advantage of you, and disrespect you, in various ways.

So, how do you know if you need to set boundaries? Well, if you often feel disrespected by others, feel chronically taken advantage of, or you tend to give in to others a lot because you fear conflict, you need to set boundaries. If you tend to say "yes" a lot, to make others happy, but at the expense of your happiness, you need to set boundaries. If you are a people-pleaser in order to fit into the crowd, you need to set boundaries. If you tend to accept less than you deserve because you are afraid of being abandoned or rejected, then you need to set boundaries.

These behaviors can often leave you feeling self-conscious, unwanted, and depressed. They take away your self-worth. They take away your power. You no longer practice self-love. You literally live to please everyone else. Eventually, you end up living like a robot, with no feelings or emotions, just going through the motions, day by day...existing, being controlled by others as they push the buttons of your life. This, My Friend, is no way to live. This is why it is important to set boundaries for yourself. Then, you regain your power and have the ability to see your worth...to feel it. This, in turn, boosts your confidence and your drive to succeed. This is where you experience empowerment, and oh what a beautiful experience that is!

For those of you that know me, you know that this is something that I have struggled with for a large part of my life. Learning to set boundaries is something that I am currently working on in my own life because I had lacked them for so long. Sometimes, those who are used to taking advantage of you are not happy when you begin setting boundaries. Sometimes, they leave. Sometimes they fight to try to get you to drop the boundaries. This is life's way of testing you. Stand strong. Again, in the end, it WILL be worth it. Take your power back. You can do it! Here are some Benefits of Setting Healthy Boundaries according to Dr. Sharon Martin, a psychotherapist, author, and codependency expert.

So, back to boundaries...How do we set boundaries? Well, first off, let me start by saying, this can, and should, be done respectfully. How much better does it make you if you are "bullying the bully," so to speak? It doesn't. So, don't do it. Do not stoop to that level. Remember, our goal with boundary setting is to make our lives better...to be a better person. Also, boundaries can be set in, literally, all areas of our lives. As I said before, they are for our physical, emotional, and mental protection. Therefore, they can be set in multiple ways and in multiple areas of your life. There are seven basic boundary types that you could set. They are physical, emotional or mental, spiritual or religious, financial or material, sexual, time, and non-negotiable boundaries (boundaries that cannot and will not fluctuate). Therefore, boundaries may be set with friends, family, work or coworkers, romantic partners, and even with yourself. Any situation you are in, you can respectfully set boundaries in, for your own good.

So with that being said, what do we need to do in order to set these boundaries to safeguard us and our power? First and foremost, you must recognize that, no matter the situation, YOU DESERVE RESPECT...ALWAYS!!! Yes, I made that bold, because this is the most important one, and its something that we have difficulty realizing. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE! Second, we must evaluate our lives to see where we already have boundaries set, and where we could use some boundaries (or better boundaries) in place. Are there places or situations in your life where you feel disrespected or that you're lacking power? If there are, start there. Make sure, also, that you recognize the boundaries that you already have in place, and be proud of yourself for them. To decide which boundaries you need to set, decide what you need in this area of your life? What are your wants or goals, and what boundaries can be set to help you get or reach those wants or goals? Recognize that you can have different boundaries for each person or situation in your life. What might work for one person or situation, may need to be different for another, depending on the difference in the way they treat you or the way they make you feel. Finally, and this is a big one, when you communicate your boundaries to others, ALWAYS be respectful, and respect that person's boundaries, also.

Setting boundaries does not have to be done in a rude or offensive way. It can be done very tastefully and with the utmost respect. With that being said, you should also know that it may still upset others. Just be sure to keep your composure and calmly explain that this is for your own good, and that you are working on bettering yourself and a big part of that is learning to respect yourself. Leave it at that. You do not have to go into a big explanation, no matter how angry they are. The reason many people react in this way is that they are now losing their power over you. That is okay. Just keep in mind that these boundaries are being put into place to bring your power back to you, to protect you, and to bring you the respect you deserve. Then step back and congratulate yourself, as you just took your very first step in bringing your power back to you.

As I said, this is something that I am currently working on in my own life, and it truly has been a process. The more I practice it, however, the better I feel about myself, the more confidence I gain, and the happier I become. I am always looking for new information on different ways to apply the things I am learning on my self-discovery journey. So, if anyone has any advice or ideas that have helped them, or have any questions about today's blog, please feel free to comment at the bottom of the page. I look forward to hearing from you, and, as always, have a wonderful day and thank you for your support. If you haven't already, please subscribe to our site. Sending out peace, love, and happy vibes! Blessings and Love!